


Disappointment

by Gertrude_Perkins



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, discussion of violence but not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 11:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14999885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gertrude_Perkins/pseuds/Gertrude_Perkins
Summary: Robert has cause to reflect on his relationship with Jack, and what happened after he caught him kissing a boy.





	1. Chapter 1

Robert couldn’t make his mind up what to buy. He’d been standing in David’s shop for five minutes just staring at the shelves, trying to choose what to get for dinner. He was just coming to the conclusion that they should order in a takeaway instead when he heard the door open and someone enter the shop.

He couldn’t see them as he was hidden round the corner, but he recognised Diane’s voice and Eric Pollard’s. As he picked up some cans of lager for Aaron, he couldn’t help but overhear part of their conversation.

‘…so are you enjoying being a Grandmother to little Seb?’ Pollard asked.

‘Oh he’s a gorgeous little thing, there’s no denying that,’ Diane replied, with real warmth in her voice and Robert smiled. He had to agree.

‘And – I’m afraid it’s rather confusing for an old man like me – does the baby live with Robert and Aaron now?’ Pollard went on.

‘Most of the time he does, yes, but Rebecca has him some nights,’ Diane explained. ‘They’ve got some kind of co-parenting arrangement going on, it’s all very modern...’

‘Very different from in our day,’ Pollard agreed and they both laughed.

‘Yes,’ Diane said. ‘I often wonder what Jack would have thought of it all.’

Robert’s smile faded and he tensed at the mention of his Dad.

‘Do you think he would have been ok with Robert… er, living with a man?’ Pollard asked.

‘Yes, I think so,’ Diane said. ‘He would’ve got used to it anyway. I just wish Robert hadn’t made such a mess of things. Jack would have been horrified by some of Robert’s behaviour.’

Robert was frozen to the spot now, eavesdropping intently.

‘What, you mean with Rebecca…?’ Pollard asked.

‘Yes, and with Chrissie. You know me, Eric, I have nothing against Robert deciding he’s gay or whatever, but why did he lie about it for so long? He treated Chrissie so badly, and lied to all of us for years. Why couldn’t he have been honest about his feelings? It would have saved a lot of hassle…’

‘Well our children are there to cause us grief aren’t they,’ Pollard agreed. ‘I mean look at the mistakes David’s made,’ he said lowering his voice, presumably in case David was around. ‘You and I have the patience of saints with our children, Diane…’

Robert stayed behind the shelves as he heard the two of them pay Frank at the till and leave the shop. He waited a while before coming out, paying for his shopping and heading back to the Mill.

As he walked in and closed the front door behind him he breathed out heavily. He didn’t really know why, but Diane’s comments had upset him. He leaned back against the wall for a minute.

‘Alright? Did you get my beers?’ Aaron asked as he came down the stairs.

‘Er, yeah,’ Robert said. ‘I couldn’t decide what to get for dinner though, so I though we might get a takeaway, if that’s ok…’

‘Great idea,’ Aaron grinned. Then his face became serious and he looked at Robert more closely. ‘Are you ok?’

Robert composed himself. ‘Yeah, fine…’ he said, walking into the kitchen to unpack the shopping.

Aaron stepped in front of him and put his hands lightly on either side of Robert’s waist. ‘No you’re not,’ he said softly. ‘What’s happened?’

Robert sighed and put the shopping bag on the floor so he could put his arms round Aaron’s waist. ‘I’m being an idiot, it’s nothing…’

Aaron squeezed Robert’s waist gently and waited for him to continue. 

‘I was in the shop and Diane came in with Eric Pollard…’ Robert went on. ‘They didn’t see me and they were just talking about about me and you and Seb and Rebecca… it’s silly really, but Diane mentioned my Dad, and how ashamed he would have been of me…’

‘What because you’re bi?’ Aaron interrupted angrily.

‘No… because I lied and messed everyone about for years,’ Robert swallowed hard. ‘Which is true, by the way…’

Aaron pulled Robert closer into a tight hug and rubbed up and down his back soothingly.

‘You were struggling with your sexuality, Robert,’ he said. ‘Diane doesn’t know that Jack caught you with a boy, does she? She doesn’t understand how he made you want to bury your feelings. No wonder you lived a lie for so long…’

Robert closed his eyes and rested his head on Aaron’s shoulder. 

‘Maybe if you told her…’ Aaron tried, quietly.

‘No.’

Aaron sighed and pulled away again, looking Robert in the eye. ‘Diane needs to understand how your Dad made you feel. She’d be a lot more sympathetic if you told her…’

‘No Aaron,’ Robert said firmly. ‘We’ve been over this before. I’m not going to tarnish his memory for her or for Vic. You know how Vic idolises our Dad and it would break her heart to hear what happened.’

Aaron knew the subject was closed for now, so he didn’t push it. Instead he kissed Robert on the forehead and hugged him for a while.

………..

 

Three weeks later

 

‘Who is it you’re going to see?’ Vic asked Robert. He was at the bar of the Woolpack and she handed him a pint. 

‘I can’t remember,’ he laughed.

She frowned at him. ‘You’re going to see a band and you can’t remember what they’re called?’

‘It’s Aaron’s choice, isn’t it?’ Robert grinned. ‘Not my cup of tea at all, some bloody indie group, but Aaron’s been desperate to see them live for ages. I finally managed to get tickets and Rebecca offered to look after Seb tonight, so we’re all good to go.’

He beamed. He wasn’t much looking forward to the music, but Aaron was really excited, and that made him happy.

Vic smiled at him. ‘You little smitten kitten…’ she said.

‘You what?’ Robert snorted.

‘Putting up with a night of noisy music you can’t stand just because Aaron likes it,’ she cooed. ‘It must be love…’

Robert smiled as Aaron came up to the bar and joined them. ‘It must be,’ Robert replied, putting his arm around Aaron and kissing him.

‘All set, then?’ he asked.

‘Can’t wait,’ Aaron smiled. ‘We haven’t had a night out for ages, have we…’

There was a slight commotion as the door of the pub flew open and Rebecca burst in, pushing Seb in his pushchair. 

‘There you are,’ she said to Robert angrily. ‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere. I’ve got to start work now so you need to take Seb...’

‘No…’ Robert protested as Rebecca put a changing bag in his arms. ‘You’re having him tonight, remember? Aaron and I are going out, we planned it a couple of weeks ago.’

‘Well I’ve got a shift here,’ Rebecca said. ‘You’ll have to cancel, won’t you. He’s your son too you know…’

Robert and Aaron looked at each other in shock.

‘Rebecca, you offered to have Seb so we could go out…’ Aaron said, but she interrupted.

‘I told Charity I’d work tonight, I can’t let her down…’

Charity nodded from behind the bar. She looked apologetically at Aaron. ‘I really need her to work cos your Mum’s tired and having a lie down,’ she said to him. ‘Rebecca agreed to come in, sorry.’

Aaron looked so upset at the thought of not going to see the band, Robert couldn’t stand it. ‘No, you said you’d have Seb,’ he said. ‘Aaron’s been looking forward to this so much, please don’t spoil our night…’

‘Oh for goodness sake...’ came a loud voice from the other side of the bar. Diane was sitting there with a miserable looking Doug. They looked as though they’d been arguing.

Robert and Aaron looked at her in surprise.

‘That’s your son, Robert,’ she railed at him. ‘Why can’t you just take responsibility for him? You know Rebecca’s not good at remembering things. You need to sort your priorities out.’ 

Robert looked shocked at her harsh words, and Aaron knew Diane was being unfair. They’d looked after Seb solidly for weeks, letting Rebecca choose when she wanted to have him, never pressuring her to look after him. 

Before Aaron could say anything in Robert’s defence, Diane started up again.

‘You’re a father now and you need to act like one,’ she said, glaring at Robert. ‘What do you think your Dad would say about your selfish behaviour? He’d be so ashamed…’

Robert’s face fell and his expression changed from shocked to upset. He stood up, clutching the changing bag.

‘I couldn’t give a shit what Dad would have thought,’ he said furiously.

Aaron reached out to grab his arm, but Robert shook him off, taking hold of the pushchair and storming out of the pub with it.

The pub had gone very quiet and several people were looking at Aaron.

He turned angrily to Diane. ‘Why did you have to stick your nose in?’ he said tightly, trying to control his temper. ‘And why do you always go on about Jack? You have no idea what that man did to Robert when he was younger, and how much it’s affected him…’

As he said the words, Aaron knew he’d spoken out of turn, and the stunned expressions of Diane and Vic confirmed it. He stood up and followed Robert out of the pub.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out...

Aaron was up feeding Seb the following morning when there was a knock at the door. He opened it to see Diane and Victoria on their doorstep. He looked at them for a moment, then Diane spoke.

‘Can we speak to Robert?’ she said. ‘I want to apologise for what I said yesterday.’

Aaron thought for a moment. She looked genuinely repentant, and Vic had done nothing wrong, so he stood to one side and let them in.

‘Robert’s having a lie-in,’ he said. ‘He was up a lot with Seb in the night.’

‘Should we come back later?’ Vic said, but as she spoke, they heard footsteps and Robert came down the spiral stairs in his jeans, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he came into the living room. 

‘I heard you knock,’ he said. He looked shattered. 

‘If it’s a bad time, we’ll come back later,’ Diane said but Robert shook his head.

‘It’s fine,’ he said. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’

‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Aaron said, taking Seb with him into the kitchen.

Robert, Diane and Vic sat on the sofas and Diane spoke straight away.

‘Robert I need to apologise for what I said yesterday. It’s no excuse, but I had a row with Doug and I was in a really bad mood when Rebecca came in. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that and… well, I’m sorry pet.’

Robert sighed. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said. ‘It’s fine.’

‘And I’m sorry for bringing up Jack.’ Diane finished.

She glanced at Victoria, and Robert got the impression there was something going on.

He frowned. ‘What?’ 

Vic took a deep breath. ‘Robert, after you left…. Aaron said something…’

She glanced towards the kitchen and Aaron turned to look at them. He walked over to Robert.

‘Er… I might have said something about Jack…’ he said with a guilty face.

Robert looked annoyed. ‘What did you say Aaron? You had no right to say anything…’

‘I know,’ Aaron said. ‘I’m sorry Robert, I lost my temper and it just came out. I’m so sorry…’ 

Robert chewed his lip.

‘What exactly did you say?’ he asked, tightly. Aaron put Seb in his bouncy chair and sat next to Robert on the sofa. He put a hand on Robert’s thigh and looked at Vic and Diane.

‘I just said that they didn’t know what happened with Jack when you were younger,’ he explained. ‘I didn’t tell them what happened. But I think you should.’

Robert glared at Aaron, then turned to face Diane, who looked at him pleadingly. ‘Please Robert,’ she said. ‘Talk to us. We want to know what happened between you two.’

Vic nodded to show her agreement.

Robert took a deep breath. ‘Ok,’ he said, pausing for a while to collect his thoughts.

‘I heard you talking to Eric Pollard in the shop the other day, Diane. He asked you what Dad would have thought about me and Aaron being together. And you said he probably would have been ok with it. Well, maybe he would, none of us will ever know for sure. But I know how he felt about me liking boys…’

Vic sat up in surprise. ‘What do you mean?’ she said.

Robert looked at Aaron who nodded and took hold of his hand and squeezed it. ‘Tell them what happened,’ he said.

‘Ok… when I was fifteen, I met an older boy. He was working on the farm… and I liked him. It wasn’t the first time I’d had feelings for a man, but it was the first time I thought about acting on my feelings…. So we got to know each other a bit, and then one day, he came up to my room… we chatted for a while, and eventually, he kissed me… it was amazing and it felt so good… but while we were kissing on the bed, Dad came in… we didn’t hear him coming up the stairs, and he just opened the door and saw us…’

Diane gave a little gasp and Vic looked horrified.

‘Oh my God, Robert,’ she said. ‘What did Dad say?’

Robert looked away. He couldn’t look at the women while he spoke, he was too afraid he might see disbelief in their faces as he told them what happened.

‘He didn’t really say anything. He grabbed the lad by the shoulders and dragged him out of the bedroom, screaming at him to get out…he took him downstairs and I heard him slam the door…’ Robert still clearly recalled how terrified he had been, and his stomach turned over now at the memory.

‘I sat on the bed, waiting for Dad to come back upstairs… I don’t know how long it was but it seemed like ages. Eventually I heard him come back up and he flung open the door… his face…’ Robert whispered, remembering. ‘I’d never seen him look so furious, but he looked upset as well… devastated in fact…’

The room was silent apart from Seb’s gurgling as everyone waited for Robert to go on. He looked at Aaron who gently squeezed his hand again. It was the first time he’d heard the details of this story. 

‘Go on, Robert,’ he said softly. ‘We’re listening’.

Robert cleared his throat. ‘He never said anything about what he’d seen or how he’d found us, but he started shouting about me playing truant. He yelled that I was supposed to be in school and what was I doing here, but I knew he was angry about me kissing a boy… he… he started taking his belt off and he told me to take off my shirt…’ 

Robert stopped again and rubbed his face with his hands. He’d tried to lock this memory away for years, but talking about it now, it was as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.

He kept his gaze focused on the floor as he went on. ‘He took the belt and hit me with it… I don’t know how many times he did it, but I just lay there, frozen on the bed…’

Robert broke off as he was interrupted by a noise from Victoria. He looked up at her and was surprised to see that she was sobbing.

‘Oh Robert,’ she cried, ‘Why didn’t you ever tell us?’

She got up and threw herself into Robert’s arms, and he hugged her tightly as she dissolved into tears. 

‘I’m sorry, Vic,’ he said, kissing the top of her head, ‘I’m so sorry, I should have told you…’

He glanced at Diane, and to his amazement, there were tears in her eyes too.

‘I didn’t think you’d believe me…’ he said uncertainly.

‘Oh Robert, you silly boy,’ Diane said emotionally, ‘Of course we believe you, pet. I wish you could have told us sooner’.

She took a tissue from her handbag and blew her nose noisily, making Seb look round, startled.

Vic gradually got herself together and sat up, wiping her eyes with her hands. 

‘So what happened afterwards?’ she asked. ‘Did he apologise for what he did? Did you talk about it?’

Robert shook his head. ‘We never mentioned it again, ever. I know he felt bad about beating me though, because after he’d calmed down, he treated me really kindly for the next few days, like he was feeling guilty and trying to make up for it.’ 

He grimaced at the memory. ‘I was in a lot of pain for a while, and whenever he saw me wincing when I sat down or whatever, he’d be really attentive, like get me a biscuit or let me watch TV or something.’

Aaron wasn’t the least bit impressed by Jack’s guilty conscience, but he bit back any criticism.

‘But he never acknowledged the beating, and we never, ever talked about the lad or the kiss.’ Robert went on. ‘I never saw that guy again. And as far as Dad knew, I only went with girls after that.’

Victoria frowned, as if she was realising something. ‘So you knew when you were only fifteen?’ she said. ‘You knew you were bisexual that long ago?’

Robert smiled at the look of surprise on her face. 

‘Well, I didn’t really know that exactly, but I knew that sometimes I liked boys as well as girls, yeah… I didn’t understand it but I had those feelings,’ he replied. His smiled dropped as he went on.

‘But after that day, I tried not to give in to it. I was so ashamed of getting caught with a boy, and I knew how disappointed Dad was in me. I think I decided that being bisexual didn’t fit with the man I wanted to be. So I focused on girls only after that, until I left home anyway, and even then I always tried to keep it a secret.’ 

He looked at Aaron and smiled lovingly. ‘Until I met you and you changed everything…’ he said.

Diane leaned over and put a hand on Robert’s arm. ‘I know you think your Dad didn’t approve, but he would have come around eventually,’ she said. ‘You know what Jack was like – he was old-fashioned and he didn’t like change…’

She looked at Aaron. ‘If he’d seen you two together, and how happy you are… well I think you’d have had his blessing.’

Aaron wasn’t convinced by this, but he knew it wasn’t his place to disagree.

‘Thanks, Diane,’ he said instead. 

‘I’m so glad you told me,’ she said to Robert. ‘I’m sorry for bringing him up so often. I don’t think I’ve been very fair on you’

‘It’s ok,’ Robert said straightaway. ‘You weren’t to know.’

Vic started crying again. ‘Oh God, all those times I’ve asked you to come with me to his grave or get his headstone fixed…’ she said.

Robert looked at her in surprise. ‘Vic, just because of what happened doesn’t mean I didn’t love Dad. I did, he was my Dad and he meant so much to me. I miss him just as much as you do.’  
He took both of Victoria’s hands in his and looked her in the eyes.

‘I know Dad and I had a rocky relationship at times, and he should never have beaten his son like that,’ Robert said sincerely. ‘But he wasn’t an evil man. He made mistakes and he did some bad things, but… he loved us, didn’t he?’

‘Oh yes, Robert,’ Diane said with feeling. ‘He certainly did.’

______________

 

‘Why don’t you go back to bed?’ Aaron said. ‘I’ll sort Seb out when he wakes up, so you should try and get some more sleep.’

It was half an hour later and after several teary hugs with Robert, Diane and Vic had left. 

‘Yeah, ok,’ Robert agreed. ‘I am bloody knackered…’

Aaron walked over in front of Robert and put his arms around his waist. ‘I’m sorry for blurting that out last night,’ Aaron said. ‘I know it wasn’t my place to say anything and I shouldn’t have lost it …’

‘It’s ok,’ Robert said, rubbing Aaron’s arms. ‘It’s turned out ok now.’

‘Do you feel better for telling them?’ Aaron asked.

Robert groaned. ‘Yeah, ok, you were right...’

‘That’s not what I meant…’ Aaron protested at once. He grinned at Robert. ‘But I don’t hate it when you say that I was right…’

Robert laughed and kissed him firmly on the lips. ‘You were right,’ he said again. ‘Thank you.’

‘What for?’ Aaron asked.

‘For being here,’ Robert smiled, cradling Aaron’s face with his hand.

‘Always,’ Aaron replied softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is ok, I tried to be as fair as I could to all characters involved.

**Author's Note:**

> I know many of us would like to see Robert's relationship with Jack revisited in Emmerdale, so this is just one version of what could happen, not intended to be definitive.
> 
> Part 2 coming soon...


End file.
